Don't Be Nice, Be Real

Hey everyone,

I'm reading a book titled Don't Be Nice, Be Real by Kelly Bryson.  It's hard for me to put into words how life transforming Non-Violent Communication has been for me, in regards to my own internal dialog as well as my relationships with others

I have used it a lot in every day situations, with other people, but the greatest transformation has occurred in my dialog with myself.  I have a long ways to go.  Just like health, there is no "destination" in regards to communication.  I can always improve and seek better self-awareness. 

Today I want to share a little bit about perfecting selfishness.  NVC has helped me to understand that I am a Human with feelings and needs and that my needs are actually a gift to others.  I'm not needy, I'm needful.  If people didn't have needs then life would be pretty boring because we wouldn't be able to contribute to each others well being.  That's the "good stuff"  I'll write a post about the "good stuff" in the futre. 

In Chapter 2, Kelly talks about perfecting our selfishness. 

"Here are some mottoes to help you perfect your selfishness:

• Me first and only, in ever situation, at all times.
• Ask for 100% of what you want 100% of the time and be prepared to empathize with any response
• Never listen to one more word than you want to hear from anyone
• You never have to answer anyone's questions, because you are not on trial
• Trust that all your needs are gifts to other people
• Present your needs as if you were Santa Clause passing out gifts "Ho, ho, ho, you lucky dog, you get to give me a massage, if you'd like."
• Develop the willingness to let people you love suffer (not to be confused with making them suffer).
• Never let anyone get his/her needs met at your expense.  To do so is violence to both of you.
• Never do anything to prevent someone from freaking out (except babies under 15 months)
• Never give anyone the power to make you give in or rebel."

I will continue to share gems from this book as I go through it and share how it has affected my life.

Kelly Bryson's website is LanguageOfCompassion.com

Some questions Kelly has answered about intimate relationships:
Conscious Loving Advice Column

All my best,

Robby